Jessica C. Henderson
Breast Cancer Fighter
There are moments in life when we find ourselves outside ourselves looking in. Moments where the life that you are living does not seem to be your own and what you knew to be your life ebbs away from you like a wave on a tormented seashore. My moment came in April of 2021, when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
There was a devastation that came with my diagnosis that cannot be described, when the words fell out of my doctor’s mouth with gentleness and ease, they carried a weight that on my own I knew I could not carry. Then questions came, out of my mouth almost in tandem, one behind the other: How did this happen? What did I do? Is there anything I can do? And those were just the questions I asked out loud, inside my head were a series of questions that I could not answer. What am I going to do? How will I get through this? What am I going to tell my daughter? How would I be able to cover the costs? I wanted answers but there were none; at least not at that moment sitting across from a doctor who was as perplexed as I was with this diagnosis. It did not make sense, none of it made sense, and it still does not make sense, because with cancer there are no clear answers.
I was not by myself, but I felt completely alone in a body that now housed an invisible enemy that would place me in the greatest battle of my life. Cancer will fight you on every level; physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, socially, intellectually and financially. Your body is no longer your own and is now invaded by an unseen enemy that you can only fight with chemotherapy, a poison so strong that it will destroy the good cells along with the bad ones, and there is no other weapon in your arsenal against cancer that is stronger than chemo. Spiritually your faith will be tested, because there must be a power higher than yourself to carry you through the days where your feet cannot walk, and you have no strength left to give to the fight. Emotionally, cancer will test your ability to enjoy your life. No matter what, nothing can be taken for granted--every day must be lived with intention and joy as your aim, because even the very thought of what is happening inside you can quickly bring you to a place of fear and utter darkness that leaves you with nowhere to turn. Mentally, stress and depression are two words that you must avoid with every fiber of your being because cancer thrives on the negative. So, amongst the people that stand beside you in battle you must have a therapist or a counselor, someone adept and skilled with the mind. Socially you surround yourself with people that love you and are willing to fight this battle with you whether in person or in prayer. This was probably the hardest lesson on this journey, the loneliness that comes with cancer, because sometimes the people you love cannot always handle your diagnosis or will leave you alone on the battlefield because cancer is too heavy a burden to carry. Intellectually, you must arm yourself with as much information as possible about this enemy. Don’t immerse yourself in it, but arm yourself with knowledge on the things you can do to make yourself feel better and be better in this war. Financially, there is a cost with cancer that you are required to pay in order to save your life and that cost is very expensive, either you pay it, or you choose to die.
“Arm yourself with knowledge on the things you can do to make yourself feel better and be better in this war.”
When you add up the medical bills alone, it is amazing how people survive cancer. When my bills started to come in, I was first overwhelmed and then I was afraid, afraid to open them because they were so many. With chemotherapy every week, or a test today and surgery tomorrow, the bills were expected and often anticipated with a sense of anxiety, which was the last thing I needed. And one day in October, my pastor, Jeff Neevel of St. Thomas Reformed Church, sent me an email to let me know that in speaking to cancer survivor and Director of Cancer Support VI, Barb Michaud, he had mentioned my name, and after profusely apologizing for what he taught was overstepping a boundary, he recommended that I give Barb a call and talk to her about my current situation. The crazy part was that I had been giving to CSVI because I knew that even as I was fighting this hard and arduous battle, I wanted to find a way to help others to do the same, so when the opportunity afforded itself to me, I gave. Little did I know that my giving would somehow come back to me in the moment on my journey when it was most needed. I contacted Barb as soon as possible, I listened to her story and was grateful that the person on the other end of the phone knew exactly what I was going through. She got me in contact with Anique Harrigan and by the time I was getting ready to have surgery in November, I had a grant that would help me cover a portion of my medical costs. I had received some much-needed help for the journey on my way to winning this war.
“Little did I know that my giving to CSVI would somehow come back to me in the moment on my journey when it was most needed.”
Cancer Support VI is a light in the darkness that is cancer. Their amazing staff members were kind, patient, thoughtful and willing to not only listen but to also share their story. The battle with cancer does not need to be fought in the solitude of fear, because they offer a helping hand in the place where we need it most. The Virgin Islands is blessed to have them, and I stand grateful and appreciative of their support as my journey continues.